The One Thing You CAN’T Do In a Relationship

When you’re interested in someone, it’s easy to tell yourself a story in your own mind that plays along with what you want or need to hear. You tell yourself that person never texts you first because they’re shy. They don’t respond to your texts because they’re super busy with work, which is totally admirable and acceptable, right? You keep this narrative going and it becomes easier and easier to believe. But, unfortunately, in most instances the story you’re telling probably isn’t true. If someone really wants to text you back, they can find a way to pick up their phone and hammer out a text message. Even if it’s while they’re taking a sip of coffee or going to the bathroom. That still counts.

P Diddy/Puff Daddy/whatever he’s calling himself these days posted a picture on Instagram that has a lot of truth to it. It looks like this:

#fact

A photo posted by Sean Diddy Combs (@iamdiddy) on

If you covered up all of the excuses and words and just looked solely at that person’s actions, what kind of message would they be sending? What’s the vibe you’re getting from them, even if you don’t want to admit it? Deep down, you know what the message is. I’m the best at creating my own narrative, I admit this wholeheartedly. I overlook rude behavior because I’m interested in someone and don’t want to admit that they’re not treating me well.

There was one instance recently where I was excusing away ignored text messages and a complete lack of effort because he travels a lot for work and is “really overwhelmed right now.” Then I thought to myself, “You know what, self? No. You travel a lot for work too. Everyone is really overwhelmed always. That’s called being a human. It’s not hard to text back. You deserve someone who will find that time. And also it’s kind of embarrassing to be acting so thirsty. So stop.” Then I added “No Lauren” after his name in my phone, so that helps to deter me when I think, “Oh it’s fineeeee. He’s busyyyy. I can just text him this one thing.”

Some people just aren’t big texters. I get it. But there’s a difference between not wanting to text all day every day and just flat out refusing to put in effort. Don’t let your own narrative shape your picture of your relationship with someone. It may sting when you strip it all away and are totally honest with yourself. This is true. But at least then you’re free to find someone who’s willing to give back what you’re putting in.  

Is Your Snark Killing Your Game?

I have an acquaintance(ish) who frequently comments on my Facebook posts with snarky remarks. If I hear from him, he's saying something sharp with a little bit of a funny twist. It's like he doesn't know how to have a normal conversation. Sarcasm is … [Continue reading]

Going on a Lot of Crappy First Dates? Maybe This is Why:

When I think about what high school Lauren wanted in a guy it went something like this: Wears crisp button downs Plays guitar Gels his hair Smells like Abercrombie Fierce Is sensitive but just emo enough to be "complicated" and need … [Continue reading]

But Actually, What Other People Think Of Your Job Doesn’t Matter

When you first meet someone new, they'll probably ask you what you do for work. It's a normal part of getting to know someone. But because you spend a lot of time telling other people about your job, it's easy to get self-conscious about the whole … [Continue reading]

The Secret to Being an Interesting and Dateable Person, Per Mindy Kaling

I recently reread Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me (And Other Concerns) by the genius queen Mindy Kaling and something she wrote really stuck out to me. It goes like this: “I think when men hear that women want a commitment, they think it means … [Continue reading]