Remember: You Don’t HAVE To Go On a Second Date

by ljmlevine on April 14, 2014

When I first started dating, I went out with a few different people and was pleasantly surprised when I didn’t encounter a disaster date situation. I kept waiting for it to happen and it didn’t. In fact, I think I’ve only been on one “disaster” date, and even that wasn’t really disastrous. He just went on and on about his ex. It was awkward, but not particularly horrifying in the grand scheme of things.

Because of the lack of “he did WHAT!?” that I was encountering, I assumed this meant that I should keep going out with these people. If we were able to have a pleasant enough conversation then why wouldn’t I see them again, right? Even if I didn’t feel a connection or see this going anywhere, nothing bad had happened. Then I realized: the likelihood of you encountering someone who’s a total mess on a date is probably slim. Most people are going to be easy enough to talk to for an hour or so. But just because they didn’t eat with their hands, insult you, or try to get the waitress’ number, doesn’t mean that you need to see them again. If you’re not really feeling it, that’s reason enough not to go out again, as long as you’re polite about it.

Dating is highly time-consuming. You have to be willing to fit it in in between seeing friends, working, going to the gym, and doing any number of other activities that you love. For this reason, you need to be picky about the people you go out with. Do you really want to be giving up your time for someone who makes you feel “meh”? You shouldn’t have to just get through the date. You should feel energized and excited about the evening. If dating starts to feel like a chore, you’re doing it wrong. Or at least with the wrong people.

It’s taken me a little while to realize this, but you don’t have to suffer through a disaster date in order to choose not to go out with someone again. If sparks aren’t flying and you’re lukewarm about the situation, it’s okay to go your separate ways. Dating isn’t something you’re obligated to do and there doesn’t have to be some horrible incident that takes place in order for you to say “Thanks, but no thanks.” Dating should be a fun part of your life, not something you deal with because you feel obligated.  If it doesn’t make you feel happy and positive it’s okay to be honest and move on, as long as you’re polite and upfront with that other person too.




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