I have an acquaintance(ish) who frequently comments on my Facebook posts with snarky remarks. If I hear from him, he’s saying something sharp with a little bit of a funny twist. It’s like he doesn’t know how to have a normal conversation. Sarcasm is the only language in which he’s fluent. Look, I wouldn’t consider myself to be overly sensitive. I’m pretty sarcastic myself. But after a while, hearing from this kid becomes tiring. I’m tempted to write back and say, “Are you physically capable of writing something not borderline rude? Because I don’t think you are and I’d love for you to prove me wrong. And also, I don’t even really know you that well, so just stop.”
He doesn’t do it to be mean, I don’t think, but I do start to question it when I get snarky comment after snarky comment. It’s sort of bizarre. But he’s not the only person I know who’s like this. I once went on a date with a guy who was the same way. I really think he was trying to flirt with me, but he would just tease me about everything I said. Literally everything. He had comments about my career and the music I liked and the drink I ordered. What he (probably) saw as being cheeky and fun, I eventually saw as being effing obnoxious. It got to the point where I didn’t even want to answer his questions anymore. Needless to say, I had an “emergency” and had to leave the date pretty quickly.
These experiences beg the question: is your snark killing your game?
There’s a fine line between being contradictory in a flirty way and just being aggravating. A little bit of snark is fun, sure. But after a while, you have to cut it out and have an honest, real conversation with someone, even if that makes you nervous because you think you’re going to say something stupid. It’s easy to use sarcasm as a defense mechanism. But this gets old really quickly.
This applies to friendships too. If you’re trying to build a new friendship and you always have sharp little comments, guess who’s probably not getting any more coffee or brunch invitations? Yep, you. People want to spend time with someone who’s enthusiastic, positive, and funny. Not someone who will probably make them feel dumb about the last thing they just said, even if it’s in a joking way.
Is your snark killing your game? Do you know someone else whose abundance of sarcasm makes them too much to handle?