Trust No One Today

For the past few years, I have tried to pull an April Fool’s prank on my poor mother. Let me just say, my mother is one of the greatest and most hilarious people you will ever meet. She is sarcastic and smart and would do anything for anyone. The fact that I feel the need to prank her makes me an awful person. But for some reason I always want to try. But every single year, the prank falls flat. I guess I did not get the gullible gene from her.

One year while I was at college, I called her and told her I broke my ankle (or sustained some other injury, my memory is failing me). I pretended to be crying but my roommate was in the room so she could tell the “tears” were actually giggles. Huge fail. The next year I tried to tell her I was in danger of failing a class. It was actually plausible because Math 117 was a bitch if you were a Broadcast Journalism major like me. I think she actually did believe me. However instead of panicking and getting all upset like I had hoped, she simply said “Okay, we’ll get you a tutor. No big deal.” NO BIG DEAL!? That is the sign of the worst April Fool’s prank ever. I wanted yelling and tears! Not “no big deal!”‘

My last attempt was the classic “I’m pregnant.” I know it’s a bit cliche, but I thought this one might actually get her.  She and my dad were paying quite a lot for my education at a private university, and I figured she would be none too pleased if I ruined that by getting impregnated.

I composed myself before placing the call, and made sure I was alone so no one could make me laugh. I made my tone somber yet nervous as I told her the news.  She was silent for a minute. My heart pounded. She was buying it! She totally thought I was pregnant! After some more silence she finally spoke. I couldn’t wait to hear what she was about to say.

“Lauren, did you forget that you are still on my insurance plan and therefore I know that you are on two forms of birth control? If you’re pregnant, it would be a miracle of science and probably just your destiny. I wouldn’t be mad. Also, you would probably make national news.”

DAMN! How could I be so sloppy and forget to do my research? Prank ruined. Now I had to wait another 364 days to come up with something creative. I am an idiot.

Things are different this year, though. This year I’m in an office full of unsuspecting victims. I will stop trying to prey on my mother.  She knows too much about me and is impossible to prank, which makes her a frustrating target.

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