I Am a Jerk

All day today I was nervous with anticipation about our double date with our across-the-hall neighbor and his girlfriend. I surveyed many of my co-workers asking a.) if they thought this double date was going to be a disaster and b.) where they thought we should go to dinner. The general consensus seemed to be that things had the potential to be very awkward, but that we should go because it was the polite thing to do. Also, if it went well then we would have new friends. We decided to go and suggest a casual Italian place near the apartment for dinner.

I literally can’t remember the last time I was so nervous for a date. We knew nothing about these people, so I had no idea what to expect. Would we sit there in silence? Would they invite us to create a prostitution ring using our two neighboring apartments? Would we instantly connect and end up being in each other’s weddings? Would it end up being somewhere in the middle? Probably.

I got ready and had fifteen minutes to spare. C and I sat there on the couch watching TV, waiting for a knock on our door. A few minutes after 8:00, the doorbell rang and scared the crap out of me. I’m used to living in a crappy apartment where the doorbell barely worked, so a functioning doorbell is still taking some getting used to.

We opened the door and there stood Across-the-Hall-Neighbor. He was dressed in a very normal, non-murderer type outfit.  There was no girlfriend to be found. Across-the-Hall-Neighbor explained that his girlfriend wasn’t feeling well and left work early. Our dinner date would need to be rescheduled. He looked genuinely disappointed. By looking at him, I could tell that he was actually excited to hang out with us. He didn’t want to start a prostitution/drug ring with us. He didn’t want to kill us and chop us up. He was actually a nice, normal person! Astonishing! We talked with him for a while and agreed to set up a date for next week. Then came the money question, asked by me of course, “By the way, where do you guys work?”

Turns out he works at one of our favorite pizza shops, and she’s a receptionist at a dentist’s office. Normal, non-awkward jobs. Excellent. When I was telling my mom about  the potential date, and expressing to her my fears that these people would try to kill us or be creepy in other ways, she said to me (and I quote) “Lauren, relax. His girlfriend is probably a receptionist in an insurance office.” She was frighteningly close. My mom literally knows everything.

After talking with ATHN, I realized that I am a huge a-hole and that these people might actually turn out to be friends of ours (or at least people we can have a drink with sometimes). In my defense though, when you are used to thinking your neighbors will mug you/shoot you in a drug deal gone wrong, it’s not that crazy to automatically assume the worst. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, read my post about the sketchy clientele at our old apartment in my post entitled Love Thy Neighbor. I will update you about our developing friendship with ATHN after our dinner date next week.

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