The Spray Tan Dilemma

Okay, friends. Help me out. I have to be in a shoulder/arm-baring gown on Saturday. I am white as a sheet. These two things are not a good combo. I’m trying to figure out how best to get color. I guess I could try to work the whole “I’m part of the Cullen family and haven’t seen the sun for centuries” look which I am currently rocking. It works for R. Patz. But, truth be told, I’d rather be tan. Call me a lemming, but that’s just the way it is. Anyway, I’m weighing my tan options and they appear to be:  a.) Jergens Natural Glow (or something like it) aka do-it-yourself b.) Spray tan c.) Fake bake. Option C isn’t really an option though because it’s SO bad for you that I just don’t feel right about doing it. Also, I’m so pale that I’d probably burn and then peel just in time for the gala. That would be a treat.

Jergens Natural Glow always works well for me when I have a little bit of color in my skin. It usually enhances the color I do have and makes me look more tan. The problem is, right now I currently have NO color. Therefore there’s nothing to enhance. That’s why I need to do something a little more serious. I know all the celebrities constantly spray tan, but I’ve never dared to try it myself. I guess I was scarred once I saw the whole Ross from “Friends” spray tan thing. Remember this?

Not exactly the look I’m going for. It also didn’t help when I saw the Jersey Shore reunion show and Sammi looked like this:

She should change her name to Sammi Spraytan. Yuck yuck yuck. I crack myself up. The point is that spray tans get a lot of bad pub, and I don’t want to be part of the reason for that bad pub. But I’m a responsible, classically trained journalist, so I decided to do my own research before jumping to conclusions about spray tans making you orange. Today I went to a local tanning salon and asked the girl who worked there about spray tans. There were three people waiting in line behind me just looking to jump in a tanning bed and lie there for eight minutes. They seemed really pleased when I hit this girl with a barrage of questions. You know what? Life’s tough. Get a helmet. And some patience.

Ms. Total Tan assured me that they just got a booth upgrade and the new booths have gotten great reviews from customers. No orange and no streaks. She said the old booths did have the tendency to make you orange, but these new booths can be trusted with a natural tan. I appreciated her honesty. I made sure she examined my fair, winter-white skin, so as to understand the severity of my (pale) situation. She assured me that even people who appear to be relatives of Casper do well with the spray tan booth. After several more questions, she had me convinced. I decided I’m going back either tomorrow or the next night (I’m very busy, you see) for a spray tan. I’ve been told (and I’ve read online) that you need to exfoliate like a crazy person, so I need to make sure I’m properly exfoliated before I begin my spray tan adventure.

Have any of you tried spray tanning? If so, what am I in for? Should I turn and run, or is this a good alternative to frying my skin in a tanning bed? I’m nervous, but my last big adventure (bangs) turned out well, so I have hope.

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