I Am A Bad Plant Mother

A few weeks ago I made a big decision. I decided I wanted to become a plant mother. I wanted to buy a plant. I wanted to prove to myself that I could be responsible enough to remember to water a plant, and trim the extra little planty leaves or whatever grows off a plant that needs to be trimmed. It would be good practice for the dog I want to get and the kids I eventually want to have.

I mentioned this to my mom. Well, we just so happened to go to a Farmer’s Market that day. She kindly offered to be the one to buy me my first plant. It was a red gardenia. I think. I became a little concerned when she told me that I would have to leave the plant outdoors. Yes, I know about photosynthesis. I don’t know why I was surprised to find that the plant had to reside outside. I guess because I had seen inside plants, and hoped that this would be one of them. You see, C and I leave the blinds that look out onto our patio closed most of the time. Because of this, I knew the plant would be out of sight. Out of sight, out of mind. Out of sight, out of mind, and out of water (most likely).

I did surprisingly well for the first week or two. I remembered to water the plant every day.  Then…it all went wrong. In short, I forgot about poor little Mildred/Frankie/ Yves St. Laurent/whatever I called him that day (it changed a lot). I remembered as I was getting ready to leave for work one day.

“CRAP!” I screamed and dashed out onto the porch with a bottle of water and my hair in a towel. The poor little guy was all crispy and sad-looking. There were some signs of life, but not much.


“NO! NO NO NO NO!” I screamed louder.

Good thing the situation wasn’t more serious, because no neighbors came to my aid.

In a last-ditch attempt to save my plant child, I cut away all the dead leaves. I was pleased to see lots of green once I cut away all the dead, brown junk. See?


I think that means there’s hope! Now I wrote a huge note to myself that sits on the refrigerator. It says “PLANT!!” aka feed the poor thing. I’m hoping to nurse it back to help and redeem my plant parenting skills.


I will update you guys on the status of the little guy. Also, what should I name him/her/it?

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