There Is An Exercise Conspiracy Going On In My Apartment

If you are one of the 2% (approximately) of people who can actually drag your behind to the gym after work, I applaud you. But most people (myself definitely included) cannot do this. Because of this, I must exercise in the morning before work or it’s just not happening that day. I also like morning exercise because it helps me feel more prepared for my busy day. Usually what happens is the following: I say to my boyfriend, “I’m going to get up early to go to the gym tomorrow.” He nods and then the next morning he moans and groans when I accidentally knock things over and wake him up when I’m up at the crack of dawn to go to the gym (or the meat factory as he calls it). Then he can’t go back to sleep. Whoopsy doopsy. However, something strange has been happening lately. And that is this: Every single time that I tell him I’m getting up early to the gym, he ends up snoring ALL NIGHT. Because of this I sleep horribly and can’t force myself to wake up to work out. The weird thing is that my boyfriend doesn’t normally snore. But, without fail, EVERY TIME… EVERY SINGLE TIME that I want to go to the gym he snores and it sounds like a chain saw is running all night in our bedroom. Odd, no?

The fact that the snoring doesn’t happen on any other night except for when I say, “I’m going to the gym tomorrow morning” makes me think that there is a conspiracy. Perhaps he was getting tired of me bumping into things and causing a ruckus as I got up early to work out. He wanted to put an end to that so he could enjoy a peaceful morning’s rest. How could he ensure that this happened? He couldn’t force the gym to close. He couldn’t burn my workout clothes. That’s too obvious. He couldn’t steal my iPod, because I now have an iPhone. He couldn’t steal my sneakers, because I have another pair. The only way to ensure that I would NOT be able to cause a disturbance as I woke up early to go to the gym would be to keep me up all night, ruin my sleep pattern, prevent REM sleep, and thus force me to need that extra hour of sleep which would cancel out early morning gym time. Tricky, C, very tricky.

I’m trying an experiment tonight. I’m going to get up early tomorrow morning to go to the gym, but this time I’m NOT saying anything to him ahead of time. We’ll see what the snoring sitch looks like. Updates to follow.

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