Sam and Ronnie Are Back Together And the World Lets Out A Collective "NOOOOOO"

Last night’s episode of Jersey Shore was particularly epic. The Situation thought he was “twinning” aka going to get with a set of twins, but then Deena “pulled the robbery” and started hooking up with one of the twins.  For no apparent reason. This wasn’t an “I want attention so I’m going to make out with a girl” make out. It wasn’t even an “‘I’m on MTV so I should make out with this girl” make out. This was serious and random and weird. Anyway, Mike took the other twin and seemed to be pretty content. When they got back to the house, Deena’s girl ended up hopping into Vinny’s bed. Then back to Deena’s bed. Then Deena realized she actually likes men (she put it a little more graphically than I just did) and so the girl went back to Vinny’s bed. So classy. Glad they’re all so good at sharing. Hope that doesn’t include the sharing of diseases.

The Situation then used one of his god-given gifts: rumor-mongering. Tonight’s rumor was a doozy about a time that he and Snooki hooked up. This rumor was particularly bad because apparently this hookup supposedly occurred when Snooki was with her current boyfriend, Jionni. Snooki freaked because she claims nothing of this sort ever happened. At all. And she really loves Jionni, which I believe. Yelling, insults, and swearing happened. People got mad. Sitch still continued to talk in that strange, high-pitched, slurry, drunken, toolbag voice that he’s been using lately. *Sidenote: have you guys noticed that? It’s weirding me out*

And then….the grand finale. The main event. Sammi and Ronnie get back together. NOOOOOO!

This is how I feel about their reunion.

Okay, seriously. Every time Sam and Ron get drunk, Sam snuggles up to him and slurs in his ear about how she misses him and is good to him and wants him back. Ron promptly tells her that he won’t talk to her about this when they’re drunk. Then Ron uses every confessional interview to talk about how he doesn’t know if they should get back together, and he doesn’t think it’s a great idea. Every roommate in the house says they shouldn’t do it. Pauly even goes so far as to say he’ll kill himself if it happens. These all seem to be pretty strong indicators that THESE TWO FOOLS SHOULD NOT GET BACK TOGETHER. I was hoping we had made some progress and could avoid them getting back together. I was actually starting to like them as individuals. They’re pretty fun when they’re apart. They’re not actually miserable excuses for human beings. But they had to go and ruin it because Ron takes Sam to a “romantical” rooftop restaurant (that they’ve already been to…so…) and they reconcile and then do this weird half dance/half sway thing as she wears sunglasses, shorty shorts and a white tank top. So elegant and classy. GAH!

They go through the whole song and dance they always go through every time they get back together, where they promise not to fight anymore and not to get mad about stupid things. They promise to actually treat each other well this time. Do they not realize they say the exact same thing EVERY SINGLE TIME? And it NEVER HAPPENS! UGH! STOP THE MADNESS!

So anyway, after this wonderful, heart-warming speech, we see the preview for next episode which shows Ronnie dumping the contents of Sam’s suitcase all over the floor and screaming at her. And trying to hit The Situation or something like that. Old habits die hard, I suppose.

How do you feel about these two getting back together? Also, did you see where Vinny and Pauly D were singing about the return of Conservative Sammi and Conservative Ronnie? That was hilarious. And true. When they’re together they only wear dark colors. Le sigh.

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