The Greatest Couple of Our Generation Has Split

Today, after a lengthy 72 days of marriage, Kim Kardashian has filed for divorce from her true E! soulmate, Kris Humphries. Hearts around the world break and tears are shed over this news. After all, if they can’t make it then who can? If a girl who talks about her engagement by saying, “I feel like my life has changed so much in a year. I’m really looking forward to this amazing journey that I’m going to bring Kris on” can’t make it work, then who can? First of all, I just need to get this out of the way: I TOTALLY CALLED IT!

Missing one key person on her wedding special cover...

I saw the warning signs. Granted, you didn’t really have to be a relationship expert to pick up on the red flags but…I saw them. Snaps for me. I point out a lot of the red flags in this post, but other red flags included when Kim said she would have to go wherever Kris ended up after he signed a new NBA contract. Um…what? Okay. He’s kind of your, you know, husband and all. I guess, yeah, you probably should move where he has to live for his job. Then there was the great sound bite Kris offered up about how four years ago Kim was just a regular girl working at a boutique in the Valley, and now she thinks she’s a princess. I chuckled at that one. That showed a lot of respect and appreciation for the career she’s built for herself. Yeah, a lot of that fame was built on a sex tape. She’s still created an impressive career.

After news of the divorce broke, TMZ provided me with this little gem: That elaborate, ridiculous, “Kardashian event” wedding ended up costing Kris and Kim $138,888 for every day they were married. That’s what happens when you have a multi-million dollar wedding which results in a marriage that breaks up before my manicure starts to chip (that’s why you should get gel manicures). On the other hand, Kim and Kris were paid $18 million for all the pictures and footage from that ridiculous wedding. I guess they win. Here’s an interesting breakdown of exactly what the couple got for all the wedding footage, plus a list of all the stuff they got for free. Kind of makes you sick, considering how much money they already have. Not exactly like they were starving for freebies. Sidenote: I also read on TMZ that Kris made more off of this wedding than he’s made throughout his entire NBA career thus far. Wow. Just wow.

There are so many things I could rant about right now, but I’ll keep this short and snarky.

1.) I hope those wedding guests get their $600 ashtrays and sushi dishes back. I know Kim and Kris were really hard up for cash and needed those expensive gifts, but now maybe that money can go to a good cause like it should have the first time around…

2.) What a disgrace to people who actually value marriage: Look, I don’t want to get all political here but…there are some people in the world who actually value marriage. There are some people who would love to marry their long-time, same sex partners but can’t for legal reasons. There are people who can’t afford a nice wedding even though they have great relationships and deserve a beautiful ceremony. This Kardashian/Humphries made-for-TV ceremony makes a mockery of marriage and is a slap in the face to people who value marriage and weddings and love. What a shame that these two can have a million-dollar wedding that lasts for three seconds, and yet normal (non-millionare) people can’t marry their true soulmates or have nice, elegant weddings because of laws or financial hardships. Kris and Kim (and other ridiculous celebrities) shouldn’t be allowed to make a mockery of marriage and love and weddings. UGH!

3.) Kim and Kris were both miserable in their own ways: Kim is clearly materialistic and in love with herself, but I thought (based on what I saw on the show) Kris was disrespectful towards Kim and her family and was very immature. I think the match was just terrible and they were both miserable humans. Also, I don’t think there’s any way that a guy who is very true to his Minnesota roots could marry a girl who is basically the definition of L.A. Not gonna work.

 4.) Khloe wins: Kim used to be my favorite Kardashian. I always thought she was the sweetest and most down-to-earth. Now Khloe is the definite winner. She called Kris on his BS and she tells it like it is. She seems to be the most “real” of them all and I love her. I thought the Khloe/Kris rivalry was for the show, but maybe that was more true to life than we ever could have known.

With that, I am off the Kardashian bandwagon. I am convinced that this entire relationship and marriage was crafted by E! producers to boost ratings for the second season of Kourtney and Kim Take New York. I’ve read this story on several different sites and I kind of believe it. It basically says that E! producers were scouting an NBA boyfriend for Kim. The original one she wanted wasn’t interested, so Kris filled the role.  Face palm.

I feel bad because Kim always talks about how she wants a family. But I also have no idea if anything she says on TV is true so…I don’t feel bad. Yeah, scratch that. I don’t feel bad. What a greedy, ridiculous person.

*UPDATE* In case your head didn’t want to explode already, Jessica Simpson chose today of all days to confirm the worst-kept secret in Hollywood: she’s pregnant.

She posted this picture

With the caption, “It’s true! I’m going to be a mummy.” Kind of cute, but it’s also put me into pop culture overload. So yes, in case there was any doubt, she’s pregs. Kind of ironic that she was originally going to wait until she got $500,000 before she made an announcement, and then she just ended up making the announcement for free on the same day that another “huge” pop culture story broke. Oh, Jess. You try.

The end.

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  1. […] special off my DVR to clear some room for Chelsea Lately. It just doesn’t sit right with me. I wrote about it before, and now I decided that I am officially over the Kardashians. I have no problem with reality TV. I […]

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