Bringing Your New Guy Home for the Holidays? What Are the Sleeping Arrangements?

Yes, these are the things I think about. I’m a details-worrier, I guess you could say. Actually, I’m an all-around worrier. Anyway, I was browsing one of my favorite sites, The Gloss, when I saw this article talking about the sleeping arrangements when you bring a new boyfriend/girlfriend home for the holidays. They polled their readers to see how many of them were allowed to sleep in the same bed as New Love, which I thought was interesting. The holidays with a new significant other can be stressful for many reasons. But the actual “here’s my family, hope you all get along” is probably the most stressful part.

When you’re at college or at your own apartment, obviously you two sleep in the same bed. You’re an adult in an adult relationship. But when you return to your childhood home, it’s almost like you revert back to middle school. Your bedroom probably hasn’t been touched since then, so it’s relatively easy to do. Also, your parents used to change your diapers so it’s probably a little weird for them to see (or imagine) you sleeping in bed with someone in their home. Awkward. At the same time, you’re an adult and deserve to be treated like one. It’s a predicament. I know.

According to The Gloss’s article, 40% of readers were allowed to snuggle up in bed with their new guy/girl. On the other hand, 36% of readers had to sleep apart even if they’d been living together for years. 20% of people felt too awkward about sharing a bed at their parents’ house, so they didn’t even bring it up.

I remember when I first brought Chris home I was dreading this issue. It turned out that my parents just assumed we would both sleep in my bed. At first I felt a little awkward about sharing a bed with Chris in my parents’ home, but now it’s normal. My parents seemed comfortable and that made me feel better about the whole thing. I guess they figured we were sharing a bed in college so what’s the big deal? They also liked Chris a lot right off the bat, so that helped too. And then we have the fact that they starting living together during their sophomore year in college so…yeah. It’s kind of interesting though, because one summer Chris ended up staying with us for a few weeks. He had to work in town but his lease on his apartment hadn’t started yet. During that time he stayed in the spare room. I’m not exactly sure why. Maybe because it was better for both of us to have our space? We didn’t really analyze it. But now when we go to my parents’ we sleep in my room. It wouldn’t have mattered to us if one of us had to be in Sofa City for the weekend, but it was nice to not have to deal with it.

Everyone’s parents are different and there are a wide range of opinions on this subject. Because of this, definitely talk to your guy ahead of time about the sleeping arrangements. Try to get an idea about how his parents might feel about you two sharing a bed in their home. If they’re more traditional then you might want to head straight for the couch to make everyone more comfortable and to avoid an uncomfortable conversation about bed-sharing. But if the house is really full, or his parents are pretty relaxed, or you’ve been dating a while and just haven’t spent the night over at his house, his parents might be fine with you two sharing a bed. If he has older siblings with significant others, ask what usually happens when they visit. Just make sure that everyone is on the same page and no one is feeling disrespected or unhappy about the arrangements. It seems like a relatively small detail, but it will make the holiday visit a lot happier.

What are the sleeping arrangements like when you bring someone home for the holidays? Are you worried about it? 

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  1. This is so interesting! Thanksgiving was the first time I brought my BF home, and this was definitely on my mind. Our situation is a little different because my family has a cat and my boyfriend is allergic, so my parents were cool with us getting a hotel room for the night he was in town. But my dad talked about it a little bit, and he basically said, “I haven’t decided if I want to be a cool dad (meaning we could stay in the same room) or not.” It made me laugh, considering my boyfriend and I have lived together for a year and a half.

    • That’s so funny! I feel like the cat definitely eased some of the awkwardness for you by allowing you to get a hotel room. So funny about what your dad said though. Even though you guys have lived together for a while, I think parents just feel differently when it’s their house! It’s so interesting how we can be adults (living on our own with boyfriends) for so much of the year, but for holidays we go back to being little kids!


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