So What if I Want to Name My Kids After the Stars on the E! Network?

I just read a really funny article on Deadspin talking about how people are getting worse and worse at naming their kids. The article discusses some names that are gaining popularity. They include: Luxx (how is that anything but a stripper name?, Chesney (like Kenny?), Joplyn (Janis?), Midnight, and Harvest. Oh, and Sketch. Can’t forget Sketch.

Is this a joke? I mean, I know celebrities are allowed to come up with some kooky names but are real American people naming their poor, unsuspecting kids things like Sharpay or Copelia? I think the problem is that everyone wants his/her child to be unique. I know when I was growing up everyone and their sister was named Lauren. I always had to be “Lauren L.” and sometimes I just wanted to be plain old Lauren. I can’t even imagine how it felt to be a Sarah or an Emily. Well now all of the Emily #1, #2, and #3s are reproducing and remembering the horrors they endured as just one of many Emilys in the class and they don’t want their kids to endure that. So they’re going overboard and coming up with names that aren’t even names. They’re the last names of drugged out rockstars or they’re verbs. And it’s a problem. Because, yeah, you don’t want to be Sarah #7. But you also want to be able to find your name on a magnet when you’re in a souvenir shop in Virginia Beach, you know? There’s a fine line.

Chris makes fun of me because I have a note in my phone where I keep a list of potential baby names. Look, I’m not planning to have kids for a LONG time, but I want to make sure I have a great name when the time comes. That’s not the real reason for the harassment though. He makes fun of me because he says the list only contains names of stars on the E! Network. And maybe he’s right. Here are a few of the names I enjoy:
Chelsea, Giuliana, Bethenny, Brynn, Reese, Ava, Harper and Gavin.

Okay, MAYBE those names are influenced by Chelsea Handler, Giuliana Rancic, Bethenny Frankel and her daughter Brynn, Reese Witherspoon and her daughter Ava, Victoria Beckham’s daughter Harper and Gavin Rossdale. Maybe. But maybe I just happen to like those names. Would I name my daughters Bethenny and Brynn? Probably not. Because then it would feel like an episode of Bethenny Ever After. But could I have an Ava and  Bethenny? Totally.  And I think the names Bethenny and Ava are certainly more reasonable than, say, Sharpay and Sketch, no?

The moral of the story is this: naming your child is a delicate process. You need a name that is both unique but not head scratchingly so. It needs to stand the test of time. And it shouldn’t be something marker-related or the name of a character in High School Musical. All this pressure makes me confident in my decision to wait several years. I can’t be trusted to choose a good name now.

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  1. I just wrote about being a Sarah not too long ago!

    But I’ve actually noticed that Ava and Harper are becoming super popular. I know someone who had a baby around a year ago and named her Harper. Since then I feel like I’ve seen the name EVERYWHERE.

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