Help Me Understand Fantasy Football

Last night, my boyfriend blocked out two hours of his night for a Fantasy Football draft. Before the draft, he was reading articles and watching videos on that analyzed which picks were ideal and which would be subpar. Look, I’m not playing the “Oh, I’m a girl! I don’t get sports!” card here. I’ve been a Yankee fan for as long as I can remember, and I’ve become a Celtics fan through him. But let me just say this: my idea of Fantasy Football is finding out that Tim Tebow has eased up on the Jesus loving and is waiting outside my apartment to take me to a nice dessert and wine bar.

To me, the concept of getting invested in fake teams with people who don’t actually play together in real life is…odd…borderline creepy. I tried to get into the whole thing for Chris’s sake. After all, a lot of the celebrities I like have, or at some point have dated, football players. So I tried to make him base his picks around these girls’ love lives. I was quickly informed that this was a horrible way to construct a football team.

I wanted Chris to draft Eric Decker, because he’s engaged to Jessie James. If you don’t know, Jessie James is a spunky country/pop singer who looks like Cindy Crawford and is fun to follow on Twitter. Apparently her fiancee is a C-list receiver. So this was a bad call.

I wanted him to draft Miles Austin, one-time flame of Kim Kardashian. Apparently he’s hurt so this was also a bad call. Reggie Bush, also a former Kardashian boyfriend, is old and therefore not ideal. After that, I ran out of celebrity love interests. I asked if we could, perhaps, draft hockey players since I knew about both Carrie Underwood and Hilary Duff’s hubbies. The joke didn’t get a laugh. My Fantasy Football career ended there.

I tried to reason with myself and think about the strange and quirky “Fantasy Football” like things that women do…then I realized we don’t have any. We don’t create super pop groups compromised of Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, and Baby Spice. We don’t make teams where Miranda Kerr, Gisele, and Erin Heatherton hang out. That’s real life and it’s called the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show. I guess Fantasy Football is just another demonstration of why women are more mature and highly evolved than men, no?

Do you understand the Fantasy Football craze? Do you partake?

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  1. My boyfriend spent 5 hours last week doing this at his friend’s house. Why on Earth does it take 5 hours?! I enjoy watching football from time to time but I don’t really understand the fantasy thing either.

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