How I Will NOT Spend My Summer Vacation

Chris and I have been trying to figure out a way to go on a vacation without spending an insane amount of money. Not that we have an insane amount of money, or really even any money at all, but you get the point. Usually when someone wants to go on an affordable vacation, they’ll book a cruise. Chris suggested this, and I looked at him in horror. To me, there are few things that sound less appealing in the entire world than going on a cruise. The only things worse than getting stuck on an old ship in the middle of the ocean for a week would be:

  • Camping
  • Going to an amusement park (I hate rides. I know, I know)
  • Going on some sort of hiking expedition

My only semi-cruise experience was in 8th grade, when my whole class went on a whale watch in Boston. For weeks leading up to this event, I lay awake fearing that I would be seasick the entire time. I was researching different strategies to prevent seasickness, and came armed with enough Dramamine to tranquillize an elephant. As it turned out, I wasn’t seasick at all, but plenty of other people were. This was only worsened when our rambunctious social studies teacher strolled around the boat eating chili dogs, letting the smell drift over to anyone who appeared a little green. Nice, right? We all had a crush on him though, so we forgave him.

While the whale watch wasn’t bad, it wasn’t the best time of my life. We saw about one fin of one whale, and I kept wondering if we would get trapped at sea and then be forced to star in a remake of The Perfect Storm. I imagine cruises would be much the same. For days at a time, you can’t see land. Your bedroom is tiny and your feet touch the shower when you sit on the toilet. You may even have to sleep in bunkbeds. Besides the cute animals they make out of your towels, nothing about this sounds appealing.

Then you have the eating and entertainment situations. You have to eat your meals in a limited number of restaurants, and you have to sit at assigned tables, right? You’ve got dress codes and I’ve heard the food is less-than-grand. When you’re done doing that, you watch mildly talented dancers and singers perform. Maybe you throw a few hands in the casino. Then you get drunk off of vodka and Kool-Aid and go to bed. No thank you. I’d rather stay home and spend some time with my Netflix.

I’ll admit, part of my idea about what cruises are like comes from one of Chelsea Handler’s books. She had a horrible experience on a cruise, and it only furthered my belief that I wanted no part in this experience.

So instead of the cruise option, Chris and I have been scouring Cheap Caribbean (took me three tries to spell that). Do you know about it? If not, you should. It helps you to find deals on trips, especially all-inclusive packages. Chris’s mom told us about it and now I’m a fan. I’ve had a few friends go to Costa Rica, and they came back with amazing reviews. Right now that’s where I’ve got my sights set. I don’t know if Chris’s Irish skin could handle a week in the Costa Rican sun, but we’ll make it work.

Am I missing something when it comes to cruises? There must be something enjoyable, right? I mean year after year I see pictures of people I know embarking on these voyages.


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  1. Yes. Now I’ve been on two cruises, and they were both fun vacations. However they were only 4 nights, and we didn’t have too many “at sea” days. I don’t think I could ever do more than 4 nights, that’s scary to me, because you’re ready to get off the boat at that point. The food is less than. The entertainment was corny but fun. The best part though is when you get off the boat, you get to see different islands and go on excursions. So I won’t be going back on a cruise anytime soon, but they definitely were cheap and a great way to go somewhere new. Costa Rica sounds amazing! Or so I’ve heard 🙂 have fun planning!

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