I’ve always been a big fan of Scott Disick. I know in earlier seasons of Keeping Up With the Kardashians he was a reckless party boy, but I’m impressed with how much he’s grown up since he and Kourtney have had children. He actually works for a living, and is clearly a doting father. Yet as I watch episodes of Kourtney and Kim Take Miami (I know, I know) I can’t help but marvel at how much Kourtney mistreats him. In fact, you could argue that she manages to accomplish every thing that you’re told not to do in a relationship. Using Kourt and Scott as a model, here are a few things to avoid in your own relationship:
- Don’t flood your significant other with an endless stream of complaints: It’s hard to find a scene in the show when Kourtney isn’t nagging Scott about something, or complaining about his behavior. In fact, it seems like she rarely has a positive word to say. This is damaging for so many reasons. It hurts his self confidence, it ruins the chemistry between the two of you, and it makes for a tense living situation. You don’t need to keep it to yourself if you’re truly having a problem, but if you have to express an issue, talk about it calmly. Don’t constantly berate the other person. Also, this behavior turns you into the girl who cried wolf. He’ll start to tune out your complaints, since they’re neverending.
- Let them pursue their hobbies: In one episode, Scott is interested in trying his hand at racing cars. He has a friend who’s a professional, and he’s always loved the sport. Kourtney immediately starts spitting venom, telling him why it’s a reckless and terrible idea. She can’t even acknowledge that it’s something that means a lot to him. Okay, I get it. Race car driving is dangerous, and they have little kids. However, instead of immediately saying, “Absolutely not” it’s best to say, “I respect and understand that this is important to you, but here are my concerns…” Maybe you can compromise and find a solution that you’re both comfortable with.
- Encourage other friendships: Scott spends time at a pool party with some friends he’s made in Miami. Kourtney immediately questions why he needs to be hanging out with these people, when he should be with his family. Understand that the healthiest thing for your relationship is to encourage the other person to build their own relationships. Nothing kills romance faster than a relationship where the only thing you have going on is each other. You’ll encounter plenty of dinners where you’re staring at each other in silence because you’re together all the time, and therefore have nothing left to talk about. When you have friends, you feel better about yourself and bring more to the table. Allow your partner to pursue their own friendships and hobbies.
- Have trust: It’s pretty clear that Kourtney doesn’t trust Scott at all. In her defense, she has reason not to. He’s cheated on her in the past. But if your relationship is going to continue, you have to regain your trust in the other person. If they’ve done something that damages you so badly that you can’t trust them, either you need to try to work past these issues with the help of a professional, or you need to move on. It’s not fair to either one of you to continue pursuing a relationship where you don’t feel comfortable letting the other person have their own life.
Lastly, in the what you should do category: make yourself available. Okay, so Kourtney needs to trust Scott and encourage him to have his own life. Definitely. But Scott can make this easier on her by communicating with her about what he’s up to. Instead of just disappearing to a pool party or dinner with friends he can say, “I’m going to do ______. If you need me, text me.” She may feel better knowing that he’s accessible and just enjoying a calm night out, instead of shutting off his phone and going wild. Knowing this, she may relax and get more comfortable with the idea of him going off on his own.
How do you feel about Kourtney and Scott? Do you think they have a good relationship?