I'm Not Sure How to Feel About Ryan Lochte

Every time I see a preview for that new show What Would Ryan Lochte Do? I feel a range of emotions. First and foremost, I flash back to this YouTube compilation of his most..uh…amusing interviews.

“The reason I love swimming is because….racing.”

“What defines me? Ryan Lochte.”

“What I was always good at was letting things go through, like, through one ear and out the other.”


Then you think, “Okay, well maybe he just gets nervous when he is interviewed.”

Then you watch this preview for Mr. Lochte’s new show on E! called What Would Ryan Lochte Do? and you think, “Nope. That’s just him. Telling you how to say ‘Jeah’ and whatnot.” Perhaps his brain is waterlogged from too much time in the pool, you know? Actually, has anyone successfully confirmed that he has a brain at all?

My friend and I were having a discussion about the hilarity of this new Ryan Lochte show.  I was being a TV snob and stated that I would not watch such a show. I mean I guess I should stick to such highbrow fare as Kourtney and Kim Take Miami or Teen Mom 2. Why do I need to hear someone screaming “JEAH!” when I could watch Barbara Evans say, “Juh-NELLE! You ah HIGH!” In reality, the Kardashians aren’t the most intellectually stimulating bunch, but Khloe can be pretty witty. Kim definitely has a brain. A brain that only thinks about taking selfies, but it’s still there. Also, I get a kick out of Scott Disick.

Now that is some high quality programming.

But then my friend made an interesting point: watching the Ryan Lochte show on mute allows you to admire his perfect swimmer’s body without having to remember that the person you’re drooling over may actually have less brain cells than my parent’s dog that eats his own poo. Maybe that’s a slight exaggeration, but only a slight one. It’s amazing to me that someone could be one of the finest swimmers in the world, win all kinds of medals, and then not know what 7 x 4 is. I know athletes have been stereotyped as dumb, but I think there’s a certain level of intellect required to get to that level of competition. Maybe I’m wrong though. Maybe it really is just about letting it go “through one ear and out the other.” Perhaps that is the secret to winning many medals in the Olympics.

On the one hand, I don’t want to support the general ridiculosity of this show. On the other hand….Ryan is pretty good looking. A simple push of the mute button solves the problem of the “face palm” worthy one-liners.

Will you tune in?

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  1. That Youtube video cracks me up. He’s just so… special. But I will most likely watch a few episodes to see how it is, naturally.

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