Is It Weird That I Hope to Never Go to Coachella?

In case you’ve been living under a rock, Coachella is going on. I’m sure you’ve seen tweets from celebrities and non-celebrities alike who are there enjoying themselves. If you have friends there, you’ve probably also seen plenty of pictures of strange fringed outfits and ferris wheels. Look, I absolutely love live music and concerts. I really do. I’m going to see Dave Matthews for my birthday and I can’t wait. Kings of Leon rocked my face off when I saw them live. But I have a confession: I hope to never have to go to Coachella. Actually, throw Bonnaroo in there too while you’re at it. I know that people fly and drive across the country and pay hundreds of dollars to attend these events. Many would probably say that I’m insane. But I will gladly take a pass on these events. Here’s why:

  • It’s insanely hot: Ever since I was a little kid, I’ve been known to have moderate to major meltdowns in the heat. It started when I was four at Disney World and carried over to last year’s Dave Matthews concert. I don’t do well when it’s hot, and humidity just puts me over the edge. Some people get cranky when they’re hungry, I get cranky when my body temperature rises. My boyfriend has learned that when I start to get overheated, much like a child, I require a cool drink and some shade. Maybe even a popsicle if possible. Therefore, I don’t think attending a three-day festival in the desert where water costs six dollars would serve my sensitive internal thermometer well.
  • There are weird outfits: I love a good maxi dress. I really do. I enjoy colorful shorts and would even be willing to give a fedora a try. But I cannot get behind some of these festival outfits that I see. We’ve got flower headbands and fringe everywhere. There are high-waisted, camel-toe inducing shorts. Every day for a week I was getting e-mails from stores hawking their “festival gear.” It involved little bandeau tops which my boobs would not fit in, strange bandana hair accessories, and Yoko Ono style sunglasses. I would be the only person at that festival rocking some mint shorts and a white tank top. I can’t compete with these ensembles, and it would be embarrassing.
  • You can’t shower: I don’t know what the shower situation is like at Coachella, but I’ve heard horror stories from Bonnaroo vets and the shower setup there is not good. You can pay ten dollars for a shower, or you can rinse off in a fountain that pushes out brown water filled with the germs of other festival-goers. No thank you. I don’t think I could handle sweltering in 100 degree temperatures all day and then not being able to clean myself off afterward.
  • There are crowds: I think I’m one of the few people in the world who didn’t enjoy Disney World. Not only do I hate roller coasters, but I can’t stand crowds. When I go to the mall around the holiday season and too many people are bumping into me, I start to get really uncomfortable. I just picture all of these strangers’ fingers and arms rubbing against me and it gives me the creeps. I don’t think I could handle thousands of sweaty bodies pressed up against me, trying to get to the front of the stage to see The Black Keys or whomever. I would start demanding space and cause an embarrassing scene. As much as I love many of the bands that regularly play Coachella and Bonnaroo, I just don’t think I’m mentally tough enough to take on a lengthy festival.

Are you a fan of festivals? Do you think my points are valid or do I need to toughen up and go?

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Comments

  1. Ah I feel the same way! I like going to concerts and things like that but the crowds are so annoying. I also get really cranky when it is super hot out. Just doesn’t seem worth it to see a few bands!

  2. Hi there,
    I came across your page while going through some coachella Google images. I’ve been to the last two festivals myself (’13 &’14) and I think you might be rushing to judgement a bit before trying it out.
    Heat: yes there will be maybe a 2-3 hour peak where it’s ridiculously hot but there is plenty of shades and non-musical fully air conditioned tents for you to check out. You can also bring in your own water but it won’t last all day so unless you plan to pack homemade ham & cheese sandwitches for snacks and carry around a 3 gallon bottle, you have to be willing to spend a little. And after the heat peak, the sunsets of the green grass are serene.
    Weird outfits: that’s the beauty of coachella, you’re free to do, dress, act however you want. So if you decide to go in a plain tshirt and shorts and go dressed as the American flag, no ones gonna care.
    Showers: I stayed in a hotel one year and camped the other. The showers are impressively fine. There can be long lines but if you go early or later you’ll be in and out. And if you do go, I suggest camping everytime .
    Crowds: yes if you push to the front of the crowd to get a glimpse of the red shot chili peppers, of course you’ll be pushed around. If that’s no your thing you can stay at the back, chill on the cool grass and still enjoy the concert cuz there’s large tv screens on the sides showing everything that’s happening on stage.
    So yea, I think you should definitely toughen up and go because you’re throwing a blanket over a whole experience based on a few minor complaints, some of which are invalid.
    Hope I was able to steer somewhat into going, maybe I’ll bump into you and buy you a $6 water 🙂
    Cheers.

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