I have a secret that I’d finally like to share. No, I’m not involved with a Walter White-esque meth ring. No, I’m not spending all of my paycheck gambling on sports games (though at least then I’d know where all my money goes). My secret is this: I really, really like Kid Rock. Actually, I kind of love him. I know, I know. That’s the reaction I get from everyone. It’s, “Wait are you serious?” and “I just smelled a fart” all rolled into one. But after years of secret fandom, today marks the day that I openly express my enjoyment of his music.
I know that Kid Rock is considered “trashy” or “talentless” by some, but I assure you that when he uses his powers for good and not evil, he actually has quite a beautiful singing voice. Even his more rough-around-the-edges songs just have a way of making me feel energized. I can’t figure out exactly what it is about Mr. Rock that so many people find unappealing. Is it his stringy hair? His rather crass lyrics? Look, I’m not saying I support his lifestyle or agree with his beliefs in any way (I certainly don’t take strippers to breakfast, as he sings about doing) but I am saying that when I hear “Bawitdaba” I am turning it up. And I don’t want to have to feel bad about that.
See, one problem with life as a Kid Rock fan is that he’s very anti-iTunes. If you want his music, you have to actually buy the CD. And yes, I buy all of my music legally. Purchasing a CD is all well and good, but it also requires publicly admitting that you like his music. Up until this point, I wasn’t ready to do that. I’m fine with the cashier at Best Buy knowing about my love for Dave Matthews. He can know that I watched all of the seasons of Mad Men in roughly two weeks, but I don’t think I’m ready to take the Kid Rock plunge. That’s a commitment and a lifestyle choice.
To get around this problem, I took the cowardly way out and ordered a CD off of Amazon. When I heard the box hit my doorstep, I threw the door open with excitement, leaving the Amazon man startled. I almost informed him of what was in the package, but I still wasn’t ready. Instead I whisked the box inside and ripped it open. Though I live in a place where it snows for nine months out of the year, it happened to be a sunny day. It was as if the gods of unsavory music were smiling upon me. I took that opportunity to take a drive while listening to my new purchase. It was as good as I had hoped.
As I was driving, I rolled down the windows to get some fresh air. Then the trouble started. I pulled up to a red light playing “Only God Knows Why” a little louder than I realized. “Blasting” would have been a good way to describe it. Suddenly I looked over at the car next to me. Its owner, a girl about my age, also had her windows down. Upon hearing the gritty yell of Kid Rock, she gave me a look that was a mix of confusion and disgust. I quickly flipped over to my local Top 40 station and pretended like it had just been a mistake. The shame continued.
But that all changes today, my friends. Today I’m admitting that I like Kid Rock’s music. I don’t like his tattoos or his hair or his lifestyle, but he has a damn good voice and I enjoy it. There. I said it. That feels better. So next time I’m in my car with the windows down (in my city that probably won’t happen again until July) I will continue listening to his music. No more switching to less polarizing tunes. I shall flaunt my questionable taste proudly, because this is America and we are allowed to do that. Sorry, it just sounded like something he’d say. Oh, and for the record, he just released a book full of pictures from his last tour. It’s available for purchase now.