What You're Doing Wrong When You're Out At the Bar

We’ve all been there: the bar is crowded and you’re scanning the room (discreetly) all night, searching for that one guy/girl you really want to talk to. You may have a few different prospects as the evening goes on, and you’ll probably shift your focus depending on who comes and goes. Back in my single days, I would actually judge the success of a night by what kind of male attention I got. I’m a little embarrassed to admit it now, but it’s true. If a guy from class that I liked was texting me, I felt content. But if my phone was silent and my group of friends wasn’t earning a sufficient amount of male attention, I felt like something was off.

I remember that what happened at the bar would truly impact my self-confidence for a few days after last call. If guys came up to chat with me, I knew that I looked good and I felt excited the next day. If everyone else was talking with someone and I was standing there holding my drink, I felt like I should try harder the next time.

If I could go back and talk to my college self, I would probably want to slap her, first of all. Imagine all of the hours you waste wondering why some stranger in a white Polo hat hasn’t sauntered over to talk with you. I would take all of that time back and instead focus on making memories with my friends. Is it fun to get attention from someone tall, dark, and handsome? Absolutely. But I would definitely trade pointless conversations with that guy who ended up in my phone as “John With The Friend From Rhode Island” for fun moments with my friends that we could talk about for years to come.

In fact, nearly all of my most memorable nights from college had nothing to do with guys (before I met my boyfriend). They were all about doing dumb/funny/weird things with my friends. I know this sounds very Sex and the City-ish, but it’s true. If you want to have a night that leaves you feeling good about life the next morning, shift the focus away from meeting random guys at the bar and focus on enjoying the people you came with.

This brings me to my next point: if you can’t have an epic, “can’t wait for the next weekend” night with your friends, then you may want to re-evaluate who you’re going out with on a regular basis.  If you’re at the bar either on your phone or checking out everyone else, you’re probably doing it wrong. You should enjoy chatting/dancing/drinking with your group, regardless of what’s going on around you. It’s easy to get comfortable and just keep going out with the same people, even if you think they’re weird or obnoxious or boring. Instead of continuing to go out with them and having to use a guy as a distraction, spend some time finding people who share your interests, make you laugh, and help you have a fun night, with or without “John With The Friend From Rhode Island.”


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