Why I'm Making My Relationship Long Distance

So big news: I’m moving to Charlotte in September! I’d been debating making a move since I graduated college, but had been seriously considering it for the past few months. I’ve lived in one place my whole life and even went to college here. While my city is great, it’s also starting to feel small. I was becoming nervous that I’d be one of those people who buys a house across from their high school and complains about the insane traffic (three cars) in their small town. While I could see myself moving back here eventually to raise a family, I know that it’s time to get out and see new places. I need to push my comfort zone a little (or a lot) and I need to experience life in a completely new, bigger place. I need to get a different perspective in order to be able to appreciate this city more. I’m equal parts terrified and thrilled to move, which is how it should be (I think).

I was in Charlotte during this past week seeing my work pals and checking out places, and am officially moving September 17th. My apartment is beyond what I was hoping to find. My new roommate and I (a friend from work) are getting three bedrooms and two bathrooms. It’s in a gated community and has a fire pit, pool, volleyball courts, dog park, movie theater, and a million other cool things. I instantly fell in love with the area and was so happy to get an apartment in that community. I’m finally striking out on my own! But there’s just one issue: Chris will be staying here and will be a plane ride away.

Many people are surprised to hear this, and probably think I’m a little bit weird for moving out of an apartment that I share with him. I know it’s not normal for a person to move in with her boyfriend and then move out to live with a roommate, while still staying in a relationship with her significant other. But right now Chris has a job here, and work in other places is hard to find in his field. I understand and support that, but have had the itch to see a new place for a while. As I get older, the thought of moving only gets more and more daunting. He’s completely supportive of me heading down there, as are my parents. With all of those things  in place, it seems crazy NOT to go. He’ll work on finding a new job, and I’ll get to give a new location a shot.

My friend Jag (Jon) made a great point. He explained that his philosophy professor once said that it’s a proven fact that humans regret the things they DON’T do more than the choices they do make. This idea makes complete sense to me. I’d much rather think, “Welp, that was an epic fail” than “Maybe that would have been cool. Why didn’t I do it when I had the chance?” To me, there are few things scarier than living with the idea of “what if?”

Don’t get me wrong, though. Moving and transitions are nerve-wracking. It’s so much easier to get comfortable in a routine and then stick with it. But it’s also important to look at the big picture. If you’re considering a move or a life change like me, think about how you’ll view the decision later in life. Will you look back one day and wonder why you didn’t just take a chance? Will you regret taking the more comfortable route? If the answer is yes, it’s time to take on that big, scary thing. It’ll get smaller and less intimidating as you go, and eventually you’ll wonder why you even felt nervous about it at all. But regret does not get smaller or less scary, if fact it grows as time goes on. “Woulda, could, shoulda” sentiments do not go away. They just nag at you until you become bitter and scared.

Personally, I know it’s so easy to come up with a million reasons why you shouldn’t make a change. As I debated this move, I told myself I couldn’t afford it (probably true, but I’ll make it work) and would have to find new doctors, a new hairstylist, new friends, etc. I would have to buy all new furniture and would have to deal with flying when I wanted to see family. The list of reasons not to move got longer every day. Are these moving-related things annoying? For sure. Are some of them expensive? Yep. But they don’t mean that I should stay somewhere that isn’t helping me to grow and develop anymore. Instead of waiting for things to happen to me, it’s time to take control and build my own future.

If you’ve navigated a move before, I’d love some advice. I think the change will become a huge source of personal growth for me and I can’t wait. Are you contemplating a major life change like me?

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  1. I’ve been reading your blog for quite a while now, and I have to say your posts always seem to hit home for me. This one in particular has really helped me. I am also making a big move by myself out of my hometown and into a new province. My boyfriend will be staying back home until a job opens up near me, and my parents are, of course, staying back as well. It is absolutely terrifying. I am so grateful to have logged on this morning to read this post. I am full of anxiety and low on sleep. It is always good to know that someone else is going through a similar situation, and you are absolutely right about regretting what we don’t do. Thank you for always being so real, and talking about topics that may not be so easy sometimes. Best of luck with the move!

  2. I’m moving too, on Friday! I can’t afford the giant rent increase on my apartment and there is nothing in the city I can afford so I found a nice apartment in the suburbs, which definitely goes against peoples’ idea that twentysomethings HAVE to live in the city. It’s scary but I’m hoping the change will be good. Props to you for making the jump!

  3. YAY! So excited for you. Are you getting a place with Ashley? So fun! Also, I’m pumped that we’re moving at the same time and can talk about how scary / exciting it is to be in a new place… making friends and finding your way around. You will love Charlotte. I’m jealous, haha! Always love reading your blog. 🙂

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