As much as I want to be a regular journal writer, I just can’t force myself to commit to it, mostly because I hate writing things by hand. It sounds so stupid, but it’s true. I have awful handwriting (serial killer status) and my hand cramps up and I just don’t like it. Plus you can get so much more done when you’re typing on a computer. My mind goes a million miles an hour, so it’s frustrating when my hand can’t keep up. But there’s something seriously therapeutic about slowing it all down and writing out your thoughts by hand.
I was in need of something therapeutic, so I decided to bust out the ole journal and get to work. But first, I had to reread some of the old entries populating the pages. I’ve had this journal since high school, when I used to try to write song lyrics (yeah….keyword being try), so the early entires gave me a good chuckle. As I kept going, though, I stumbled upon a few entries I had written in college and forgotten about. It was really neat/weird/mind-blowing to read them, especially knowing how things panned out with the person (aka a five-second fling I had) I was writing about. I was SO distraught and trying to come up with evidence that showed that this guy was interested in me. I did a pretty damn good job too, and had convinced myself that this guy (who ended up being a blip on the radar) did like me and things would progress.
Turns out as he was talking to me he was also talking to someone else, and they ended up getting married and they lived happily ever after. I’m not even joking. Which is totally fine. But it was highly interesting to look back on the situation after years had gone by and I had a lot more experience with relationships. Even in reading over the words I wrote at that time without much memory of the details of the situation, it was so obvious he, as the book/movie says, just wasn’t that into me. But I was seeing what I wanted to see. I’d like to think that older, wiser, more experienced Lauren wouldn’t get herself into that situation again.
I also read a few entries that really hit home, where I was weighing the pros and cons of moving to Charlotte. I was clearly so anxious about it, so it was crazy to read back over what I had written knowing how it all panned out. Yes, it’s annoying to sit down and write every word by hand, especially when you have a lot to say, but it’s really helpful to have that available when you want to reflect, analyze, and feel better about the growth you’ve seen over the past few months or years. I’d highly recommend journaling every once in a while. Even if your hand gets tired now, your future self will thank you.