My poor mother. The lady wants to plan a wedding and have some grandkiddos. I’m an only child and so she has to depend on me to make this happen. Unfortunately, I’m in the “kissing a lot of frogs” stage of the game, thus making these two events nearly impossible. I’m also moderately to highly picky when it comes to the guys I date so….that adds a whole separate twist to the equation.
When I first became single and began dating, I would tell my mom about every date I went on. She would get so excited and I was excited too. Then it would turn out that the guy invited the waitress to sit with us or was still obsessed with his ex or wasn’t responsible enough to charge his cell phone ever or had a minor criminal past and suddenly we were back to square one. I would call my mom after the date, only to have to break the bad news to her: it ain’t happening.
I would hear the slight hint of disappointment in her voice, usually accompanied by, “Well…you have to kiss a lot of frogs.”
You can say that again.
And every time this happened, I honestly felt bad for her and the mason jars just waiting to be used at my non-existent wedding.
See, my mom met my dad at 18 and got married at 23. She wants me to meet someone and be happy. But the game has changed now. It’s hard out there. People get married later. Social media makes things weird. Texting makes you think you really know someone when you don’t. Online dating can lull you into this sense of never-ending potential matches, so you never want to settle because, hey, someone even better might just be a click or swipe away.
Because of these factors, my poor, sweet mom, who just wants to be able to do the stuff that her friends get to do (somehow all of their children are marrying and reproducing and such) probably fears that she’ll have to adopt her own grandchildren. And at this rate, let’s be serious, she might.
I get where she’s coming from. Weddings and babies are everywhere these days, and it makes you question your own pacing. Every single time I log onto Facebook, some high school classmate is getting married or having a baby. And as these kinds of posts become more and more frequent as we get older, I can’t help but think to myself, “Crap. I need to get it together.” Because sometimes it feels like everyone else is moving along at a normal rate and I’m just slowwwly cruising.
My pickiness probably doesn’t help the situation, but here’s my thought: I know who I am and what I want. I don’t want to waste my time when I can already tell that there’s a reason it won’t pan out. I don’t have too many dating dealbreakers in my mind, but the ones that I do have I take seriously. And I know it’s just drinks or dinner and it wouldn’t kill me to go anyway because you don’t have to marry the person after one date, but I’d much rather go out with friends or work on my writing instead of sitting at a bar with a person who makes me feel “meh.” Life is short. Time is money. Carpe Diem. You know what I mean?
Now I only give my mom a heads up when I feel really, REALLY confident in a potential date. I typically still end up getting everyone’s hopes up though, so maybe this is a realization that I should stop doing that. Maybe the ideal approach is to remain silent on the topic until she needs to start ordering wedding invitations. Not a bad idea. But seriously, if someone could reassure my mom that I’ll probably (hopefully) get married at some point, that would be awesome. She worries, you know? It’s a mom thing.