The Secret to Being an Interesting and Dateable Person, Per Mindy Kaling

I recently reread Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me (And Other Concerns) by the genius queen Mindy Kaling and something she wrote really stuck out to me. It goes like this:

“I think when men hear that women want a commitment, they think it means commitment to a romantic relationship, but that’s not it. It’s a commitment to not floating around anywhere. I want a guy who is entrenched in his own life.”

10335308I just love that phrase: “entrenched in his own life.” I don’t care whether you’re a girl dating guys or a guy dating girls or a girl dating girls or a guy dating guys, we all want someone who is fully invested in his/her own life. That’s the sexiest thing you can be. When you have hobbies and goals and opinions and friends and a sense of focus, then I want to know more about you. When you are excited about each day, you radiate the best kind of energy.

Who has time to date someone who is constantly trying to find their purpose in life and is super emo as they do it? No one. To a certain extent nobody has their act together, let’s be serious. Finding yourself is an ongoing process.  That’s to be expected. But no one wants to date a person who’s completely lost, floating with no plan and no purpose. Instead, invest yourself fully in your own deal. Join a volleyball team. Learn how to play guitar finally (writing this mostly for myself since my guitar has sat untouched in my closet for two years). Work on getting that promotion at work. Figure out what you think is cool and what you think sucks and be able to talk about both. Have some sizzle when you meet someone new. People are drawn to energy and excitement. They want to be around people who are passionate about something.

This applies to more than just dating too. If you want to feel more content with your life, get involved in it on a deeper level. Don’t just do the bare minimum at work and have mediocre friendships and call it a day. Make it a point to get outside of your comfort zone. Meet new people who really understand you. Find a job you actually love. Learn about things you know nothing about, even if you’re not required to. All of that stuff makes you a more interesting and engaging person, which makes you a better friend, date, partner, employee, etc.


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