The One Thing You CAN’T Do In a Relationship

When you’re interested in someone, it’s easy to tell yourself a story in your own mind that plays along with what you want or need to hear. You tell yourself that person never texts you first because they’re shy. They don’t respond to your texts because they’re super busy with work, which is totally admirable and acceptable, right? You keep this narrative going and it becomes easier and easier to believe. But, unfortunately, in most instances the story you’re telling probably isn’t true. If someone really wants to text you back, they can find a way to pick up their phone and hammer out a text message. Even if it’s while they’re taking a sip of coffee or going to the bathroom. That still counts.

P Diddy/Puff Daddy/whatever he’s calling himself these days posted a picture on Instagram that has a lot of truth to it. It looks like this:


A photo posted by Sean Diddy Combs (@iamdiddy) on

If you covered up all of the excuses and words and just looked solely at that person’s actions, what kind of message would they be sending? What’s the vibe you’re getting from them, even if you don’t want to admit it? Deep down, you know what the message is. I’m the best at creating my own narrative, I admit this wholeheartedly. I overlook rude behavior because I’m interested in someone and don’t want to admit that they’re not treating me well.

There was one instance recently where I was excusing away ignored text messages and a complete lack of effort because he travels a lot for work and is “really overwhelmed right now.” Then I thought to myself, “You know what, self? No. You travel a lot for work too. Everyone is really overwhelmed always. That’s called being a human. It’s not hard to text back. You deserve someone who will find that time. And also it’s kind of embarrassing to be acting so thirsty. So stop.” Then I added “No Lauren” after his name in my phone, so that helps to deter me when I think, “Oh it’s fineeeee. He’s busyyyy. I can just text him this one thing.”

Some people just aren’t big texters. I get it. But there’s a difference between not wanting to text all day every day and just flat out refusing to put in effort. Don’t let your own narrative shape your picture of your relationship with someone. It may sting when you strip it all away and are totally honest with yourself. This is true. But at least then you’re free to find someone who’s willing to give back what you’re putting in.  

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  1. “I overlook rude behavior because I’m interested in someone and don’t want to admit that they’re not treating me well.”

    Preach! I know this feeling too well. This happened to me several times over the last couple of months, and every time I promise myself I will not be making excuses like that for someone, but I found myself in that very same position several times. Oh, why won’t I learn?!

    • ljmlevine says:

      Thanks for reading and commenting, Karolin! I’m with you. It really is hard to let someone go, even when you know you deserve better. For me, realizing that accepting his crappy behavior because he was attractive/charming/whatever was actually just a form of disrespecting myself made it easier to cut ties.

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