I’m no dating etiquette expert, but I wish that members of the dating community as a collective could agree on one thing: dating should be like Fight Club. You just don’t talk about it with other people with whom you are doing it. It’s very unsettling to me when I get a message on an online dating site and the suitor wants to know if I’m having luck on the site or, in the case of a message I got yesterday, if I’m “going on tons of hot dates” (his words not mine).
As a general rule, I would much prefer that we only talked about the dates that you and I are going on together. Until we specify that we’re only dating each other, it’s understood that when we’re not together, you may very well be going on dates with other people, and that I may be doing the same. And that’s okay. It’s part of the deal. But let’s not talk about those other dates because it’s awkward. I don’t want to know the details, and I’m guessing you don’t either. And when you’re trying to get to know me on dating sites, definitely don’t ask if I’m “having luck” on this site. Because if I was really “having luck” then I wouldn’t be on the site anymore, now would I?
To me, it’s sort of like being on a reality TV show. You would never hear Kristin Cavallari go up to Lauren Conrad on Laguna Beach and acknowledge that there were cameras present or that they’re reality TV stars. When you’re watching an episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians (don’t even pretend you don’t) and you see them being met by a wall of paparazzi and you think about the reason why they’re famous, it sort of ruins the whole deal. Keep the magic alive. Don’t talk about the fact that we’re on a dating site or that we’re dating other people. You get it. I get it. Let’s not talk about it. Pretend this whole thing is at least a teensy bit organic, okay?
If you’re doing online dating/dating in general, do you notice this? Does it creep you out too?