As interesting and amusing as dating is, sometimes it’s also really, horribly draining. It feels like a part-tim job, and I know that it shouldn’t. I’ve only been in one serious relationship in my life, but as I was getting into that relationship I remember being surprised by the ease of the whole thing. I wasn’t trying to decode his text messages, and I wasn’t wondering if we were hanging out too much or not enough. I didn’t feel nervous about seeing him and I never wondered what he was thinking. It just worked. It made sense.
If you’re trying to justify things, are stressing out, are overanalyzing, or have a weird feeling somewhere in the back of your mind, then it’s not right. You can try to explain away the red flags, but the evidence is there: it’s not the right relationship.
When you do get into a situation that will foster a good relationship, you’re not killing brain cells trying to make it all happen. It just fits into place. It’s organic. Which is what I try to remind myself when I get overwhelmed with online dating or become convinced that I’m going to live in this same apartment causing trouble at the same bars when I’m 80 years old. It will happen naturally at some point. It won’t be so hard. There won’t be a chase involved, or an extraordinary amount of effort or analysis. It will just fit.
Do you feel like dating is overly complicated? How did you know that your relationship was right when you first began dating?