Last night I was talking with a friend about my dating escapades and he said to me, “You realize you really like being single, right?”
At first I defended my intentions saying, “Stopppp, I’m on every dating site in the worldddd, I just haven’t met the right person yet.”
Then I realized…wait a minute. I do like being single. And that’s okay. In fact, that’s more than okay, that’s great. Because that means that I’m really satisfied with my own life, which is how you have to be if you ever want to be a good partner when the right person comes along. It doesn’t mean I don’t ever want to be in a relationship again. It just means that I’m not desperately trying to find any willing participant to date me, regardless of compatibility or his general level of coolness.
I used to get so caught up in dating. Who was messaging me on OKCupid? How long should I wait until I gave someone my phone number? Then that hopeful excitement turned to frustration. I spent so much time writing a profile I was proud of! I carefully selected my pictures! I messaged guys who stood out to me! Why wasn’t anything panning out?
Now my online dating inbox amuses me. It’s truly a never-ending source of entertainment. For example, last night I got a message from a 22-year-old who doesn’t live anywhere close to me. All it said was, “Hey! Are you Jewish!”
How can you not laugh at that?
I also got a message from a fine, upstanding gentlemen who simply said, “Why aren’t you over here right now?”
I respect his boldness, but seriously…
I’ve finally gotten to the point in my life where I don’t need anyone else to make me feel content. That’s a huge accomplishment, but it also makes dating tricky, because I’m no longer willing to accept anything or anyone just so I’m not lonely. I’m way too happy on my own to get into a relationship that’s anything less than an amazingly awesome “when can I see you again?” situation. I’m cool doing stuff on my own. I like cooking for myself and relaxing by myself. When I’m bored, I have friends to call. I’m one of the only single friends in my group now, so when my friends are with their boyfriends, I’m doing Meetups or at the gym or working on my writing. I’ll go on dates, but my existence doesn’t hinge on whether it goes well.
You gain a crazy amount of self-confidence and positivity when you realize that you can truly be 100 percent content on your own. And though it makes me picky, I have to believe that when I do end up getting into a relationship again, it’s going to make it that much better because I’m not relying on that person as a crutch. We’ll enhance each other’s lives, not fill a missing piece.
So for now, just wake me up when Ryan Gosling is single…until then, I’ll be writing some cool stuff, maybe dating a little, having fun with my friends, and eating a ton of hummus.