Humble brag: I like to think I’m pretty good at building new friendships. I don’t have some secret talent or gift, I just make a conscious effort to check in regularly during the week, initiate plans, and take other small, regular steps to keep a new friendship growing. Because of this, I’ve been fortunate enough to connect with some great people since moving to a completely new place. But at the same time, my proactive nature can be a negative thing, because I sometimes end up in friendships where I’m the one putting in all of the work. Since I’m quick to schedule plans or send a text, I often don’t fully realize that I’m the one making all of the effort until my back hurts from carrying the team, as they say.
I think we’ve all been in friendships like that before though. Your pal is glad to hear from you, but isn’t going to be the one to pick up the phone. They’d love to get brunch, as long as you’re the one doing the asking. Maybe they’re busy or just distracted. They value the friendship, but it’s not totally a priority. Regardless of the reason, this kind of connection gets draining.
When you do find someone who’s willing to fully reciprocate, it makes unbalanced friendships seem really unappealing. After realizing this, I slowly started to phase out the friends who didn’t seem to care as much as I did in favor of people who were just as likely to text me as I was to send them a Snapchat of me making a weird face.
Letting friendships go like that isn’t easy though, even when it’s pretty necessary. But if you don’t figure out how to appreciate the good memories and move on, eventually you find that you’re maintaining friendships just because you had some really fun times together months and months ago.
When you set standards for your friendships and no longer accept a one-way street type deal, you’ll find that you’re so much happier. Life’s short and we’re all busy. You deserve to invest your time with people who person prioritize the friendship as much as you do.