I don’t know what it was, maybe Mercury was in retrograde or something, but yesterday I said the phrase “I feel bad….” about 36 times.
I feel bad that I forgot to call her back.
I feel bad I didn’t respond to that e-mail fast enough.
I feel bad that I can’t do x with you because I already said I’d do y.
The list goes on.
Finally I started really listening to what I was saying and realized how ridiculous it sounded. I was spending my WHOLE day feeling bad, primarily about stuff that either a.) wasn’t a big deal b.) I couldn’t control or c.) I was doing my best at.
I’ve been known to beat myself up and forget that I’m just one human, which I think a lot of people can relate to. We all spend a lot of time experiencing varying stages of guilt, because we’re balancing a big list of priorities and sometimes stuff slips through the cracks.
But in reality, what does feeling bad get you? Not much besides a whole lot of anxiety and stress. I spent all day saying “I feel bad…” and yet, shockingly, I still felt bad despite expressing my regret. In fact, I actually felt worse.
Because of this, I’ve realized that I’ve hit my “I feel bad” quota for a while. No more of it. It’s time to either find a solution about why I feel bad, or to accept the situation for what it is and stop guilting myself over it.
If I feel bad about not calling my friend back, it’s time to call her back or text her and tell her why I can’t talk right now.
If I feel bad that I can’t do x with a friend because I’m doing y with someone else, it’s time to tell my friend that I already made plans and to stop feeling guilty about it because sometimes people get busy and that’s acceptable.
And maybe it’s time to get a little deeper with myself and see why this phrase is coming up so much. Am I feeling bad/anxious/unsure about something on a deeper level that is getting masked by random mundane tasks that I think I’m feeling bad about? That could be it too. Some journaling may be in order.
But I know one thing: it’s time to stop letting a vague and all-consuming guilt grab a hold of my day and turn me into that emoji with the straight line for a mouth. I’m better than that. So no, I do not feel bad. I feel great, thank you very much. (insert thumbs up emoji/prayer hands here.)