What to Do When Being Single Feels Demoralizing

Being single can absolutely be demoralizing. You get stuck at the kids’ table at a family function and you’re scrambling to find a date to a wedding. You’re swiping your way through cheesy messages like “how r u beautiful?” and telling your life story over and over on dates that go “meh” but not amazingly well. Over time, you may actually convince yourself you’re going to end up in a house on a hill with 40 cats, until your best friend reminds that you’re a catch. You know in your heart she’s right but…

I wish I had some magic formula to offer you that sends you out on dates with only the most genuine, lovely humans. I wish I had some cheat code like in the Sims to bring you your perfect match.

Unfortunately I don’t have that. But I do have this piece of advice: approaching the single life with a grain of salt, some positivity, and a sense of humor changes everything.

I used to get really depressed when I’d log onto Facebook and see that half of my high school class was engaged, including a girl who was complaining about being single a month ago (true story). I’ve had plenty of nights when I walked into my apartment alone, trying to get my feet out of some high heels that I regretted wearing, as I wondered what I was doing wrong.

Now I approach the whole thing a little differently. Does being single suck sometimes? Definitely. But I’m also able to recognize that this is a unique time in my life that I should appreciate.

Your attitude when you’re single changes everything. 

If you expect every person you meet as you’re dating to be The One, you will be disappointed often. Instead, focus on having fun, positive interactions with people and count that as a win.

The other night, my friend Ali and I were sharing an Uber home. She’s a very positive, fun single person, and we’ve become great at giving ourselves/each other pep talks at the end of a night when it’s necessary.

In the Uber we covered many topics, including the importance of positivity when you’re single and how the single life is full of possibilities. You never know who’s just a Tinder swipe or a Match message away. It’s pretty exciting when you think about it. I caught a glimpse of our Uber driver smiling in the rearview mirror and knew we were onto something. This was the right attitude to have.

Just remember: one day you’ll look back on the nights when you ate mac and cheese for dinner as you watched terrible TV and then slept in your bed like a starfish with fondness and nostalgia. Enjoy them. Oh, and don’t drink and Tinder.

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  1. or.. always drink and tinder?

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